Saturday, Apr. 17, 2004 - 11:49 p.m.

Grim news, I'm afraid. You see, well, it's not that it's serious or anything. Well, it is. No it isn't. Not for you. Not... just for you. No. Well... No, no, you're in perfectly good health! Sit down, please! No! Nobody has any life threatening illness! Well, obviously, some people have, but nobody you don't know about! Ok. Ok. Calm down. Now, what I'm about to tell you might upset you a little I SAID CALM DOWN DAMNIT! ... but ... well... you see... the WORLD is coming to an end.

Ah, denial, that's good. Don't need everyone running around like it's judgement day TODAY. We've got a week or two. It's just that, as a doctor, I felt it my responsibility to tell you this. There are ethical issues with not telling you, but if you choose to not believe me... it's probably better for all of us. At least I tried.

Not knowing might make you happier, but now you know you've got the chance to fulfill your dreams, yes? No more saving up for a rainy day, so to speak. What's the point? Live for the moment, because soon we'll all be space dust.

How? Ohh... curious are we, now? Starting to doubt your doubt? Heh, well, good for you. Well, we're not sure how. My contact in the Vatican tells me nobody knows how, apart from God himself, and he knows EVERYTHING, apparently, so that should come as no surprise to you. At least now we have a date, acquired by... unsavoury means, but we have reason to believe it's accurate.

Oh? It's your anniversary? How splendid! Having an exact number of years together, before both being annihalated at the exact same time! Oh, you can buy each other cards and flowers and have a romantic meal then await the Apocalypse! It's not like there's any point in panic, this is no... meteor, tidal wave, zombie plague... no shopping centre is secure enough to withstand the wrath of the almighty.

But I ramble, meander, as I do. As I was saying, live for the moment my friend, because your life has only got a couple more weeks left. Then it's the end. Now, if you don't mind, I have word to spread. I'm sure you can show yourself out. Make yourself aware to the receptionist, she'll send in the next one. Well, sir, is there any point in me filling out this prescription? Will a little sniffle prevent you from enjoying your final days? Oh, well... here you are, then. It really is happening, you know?